So Many Things I Want To Say, & All I Can Manage Is: Why?

The title of this post pretty much sums up what's going on inside of me right now.

I woke up Monday, October 2, 2017 to the story of the mass shooting in Las Vegas at the Highway 91 Music Festival, in front of the Mandalay Bay Casino.  Within the hour, the death toll had risen high enough for the shooting to be dubbed "the worst mass shooting in American history".  It was only 4 am here on the West Coast.

As the day went on, I knew I  was going to end up writing a blog post about the day's events. So many thoughts and emotions were running through me as I heard people on the radio, and saw the various Facebook posts and tweets from friends, strangers, and celebrities.  

I was shocked that this had happened at a country music concert.  Even at the rowdiest country music concert, I guess I just wouldn't expect this type of thing to happen.  

I was deeply saddened and almost in tears hearing about how many people had died, some while trying to save others from being hurt.

I was happy to hear that the artists who had been performing that night were safe and accounted for.  On a local note, I was also happy for the people at the radio station I listen to, 98.7 The Bull, in Portland, Oregon.  The station had an intern who was in Vegas for her birthday; she was actually across the street at a Big & Rich show when the shooting began.  

The station had also had a contest to win tickets to the Highway 91 Music Festival, and when news of the shooting broke, the station made every effort to find out if the contest winners were alright.  They were, and had actually ended up helping other concert goers who had been hurt.  You could hear it in the woman's voice, she was still in a bit of shock, as would be expected.

Unfortunately, though a former street team member of the station was also safe, (having flown home early), her brother and his girlfriend had stayed for the last day of the concert.  The girl's brother, in an attempt to shield his girlfriend, wound up being shot, though fortunately, he's still alive.

Along with those emotions came anger, not just at what had happened, but people as well.  First and foremost, was anger at the shooter.  How dare he, for whatever reason he had, take the lives of innocent people, and shatter the lives of those who survived.  He didn't know them, so what was the purpose?

Other tinges of anger came out at one of the witnesses.  A woman who had been a vendor at the concert at least partially blamed a lack of security for the shooting.  I realize the woman was probably still in shock over what had happened, and that the whole story hadn't developed yet, but it still bothered me a bit.  This is because the shooter wasn't part of the concert crowd; he was a guest of the hotel, who was shooting from the 32nd floor of the hotel.

There was also some anger at people who accused Jason Aldean of leaving the stage to seek shelter when the rampage started.  What was he supposed to do?  Stay and possibly get shot also?  Tell me one person who wouldn't have done the same thing in that situation. 

Another form of anger I have about this is feeling hopeless; not because I feel like I can't do anything to help.  No, I feel hopelessness that this world will never be a happy place ever again. This incident isn't the first of it's kind, and I'm pretty sure it won't be the last. 

All those emotions, and more are still swirling around inside me, and though this is approximately  my fifteenth attempt at writing this post, it's STILL not what I was trying to convey.  

Maybe it's because others I know have expressed how I feel, and what I want to say, better than I have.  

For example, my friend, Kim Blue, posted this on Facebook:  

"How scummy do have to be to blame loss of life on someone who had a spotlight on them up above everyone else on a stage for running for their life when some yells into the ear monitors that there is an active shooter and get off the stage? Which he did to get his very pregnant wife out of harms way. Thats not what I want to say, but my phone will autocorrect that kind of language. Bad reporter!"

 99.9% of the time, reporters are spot on with their stories.  Every once in awhile though, you get someone who does, or says something out of line.  I realize, reporters are human too, we all make mistakes, but honestly, this upset me.

My friend, Jake Byron, a DJ at 98.7 The Bull, posted the following on his station blog. When he posted to Facebook, he said he's just being honest, he's not proud of it.  I identify completely with what he's written; I just feel deflated after today. 

Feel Like Giving Up?

I certainly do.

Admittedly, I’ve been having a tough time lately.  There’s just so much wrong with the world, and so much hate & criticism about everything, that I’m just getting weary.  I have always prided myself as being somebody who fights for what I believe in, and stands up to what I see as injustice.  But I’m straight running out of gas.

The thing is…  with this shooter in Las Vegas…  there’s no next step.  There’s no response worth encouraging, there’s no justice to be found, and there’s no getting back those we lost.  This was simply a tragedy, and the best we can do is try to support those left behind, and that’s…  it.

I’ve just had it.  I could hide my head in the sand, and to be honest, that sounds the most appealing right now.

This is what hate does.  It wins.  I have such love and respect for those who are preaching the “love conquers all” message this morning.  You keep fighting the good fight.  But you’ve lost a allied soldier today.

I hope I bounce back.

~Jake from 98.7 The Bullpo

My friend, KD  Karin Carroll, posted a great, upbeat, reply to Jake's Facebook post. Thankfully KD is one of those people who's there to try to cheer the rest of us up when we get down:

KD Karin Carroll Kiddo it is how we all feel but hold on to your faith. Do not let the evil win. You cannot stop living because of hate. Keep your joy, love and kindness in tact we all will need this Arsenal nowc 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿❤️❤️❤️

KD, and others who have posted similar things are right, we can't let evil win.  We think it's bad now, imagine what it would be like if evil truly did take over! 

For now though, even after writing this post, I'm still as big a bundle of confusion, and raw emotion as I was before I wrote it.  They say time heals all wounds.  I hope so, not for myself, but for all those in Vegas, and anywhere, that has had to endure such senseless violence.  And I'm still left with that burning question, about this happening:  Why?

It's All In Our Heads: A Mish-Mash Of Thoughts & Theories

Things are always happening in this great big world of ours, every second, minute and hour of every day.

While most of the time these things have no correlation with each other, sometimes even the most unrelated subjects will spark a unique connection in one's mind.

That's what happened to me over the past couple of weeks.  First, the death of Robin Williams, then the news that Taylor Swift has left country to go pop.

Both stories had my brain thinking and rethinking about a myriad of things, but nothing that I put into print, until now.

 It's safe to say that there are few people in this world who haven't heard the names Robin Williams and Taylor Swift.

Robin came zooming into our lives as alien Mork from the planet Ork; first on Happy Days, then in his own series, Mork & Mindy, with Pam Dawber.

 Nearly 30 years later, Taylor  grasped fame as a fresh faced 16 year-old singer, ready to take the country world by storm.

Comparing these two side by side, you might think they have little to nothing in common with each other, and for the most part you'd be right.

It's been said that Robin Williams was born to make people laugh; and it's a job he was excellent at doing.  Laughter is what Robin was best known for in his life.

On the flip side, Williams' talent was so vast, he was able to play more serious characters in the movies, and still have viewers enthralled with his work; it's a rarity that few in his business have experienced. No one questioned if he was capable of being so diverse, it was just accepted that he was.

That's why, when it was reported Robin Williams had taken his own life, it didn't surprise me as much as the public's reaction to the news.

Despite the dramatic roles Williams has done, people still categorize him as a comedian, who happens to do some serious work as well.

More than one report I heard though, expressed surprise that Williams would have committed suicide, because he always seemed like such a happy guy.  Every time I heard that, all I could think was, "that's what people saw on the outside, you don't know what was going on in his head".

In reality, most comedians are in the business as a form of self therapy.  Their personal lives aren't that great, and being able to make fun, laugh, and have others laugh at the things a comedian says, helps ease the pain the person is feeling inside.

There have been so many stories of comedians, before Robin Williams, that have told of the sadness in their lives.  Freddie Prinze, John Belushi, and John Candy are just a few who had life issues they dealt with through comedy; so why the surprise that they weren't happy in life?

Then there's Taylor Swift.

I'll be the first to admit, when Taylor hit the country music scene, I dismissed her as just a kid that would burn out quickly, or grow up and air her issues, like other artists had done.

The more she did, and the more control she had of what she did, and how she did it, the more I thought my first impression was correct.

However, as the years went by, and Swift matured, I came to discover that this girl is the real deal.  I now believe she was given so much freedom early in her career, not because she was spoiled, but rather because someone had the foresight to see the true talent the girl has.

At the same time I was changing my mind, the naysayers were stepping forward to bash anything and everything Taylor has done in her short life.  It's like they waited until she was an adult, and all the negativity began surfacing.  It's to a point that it seems Swift can't even breath correctly in some peoples' opinions.

So when Taylor recently announced her next album will be pop, not country, it wasn't a big surprise that it caused an uproar.

Except for die-hard Taylor Swift fans, people began saying all kinds of mean things about Taylor and her decision, without knowing all the facts, (which is usually the case).

While Swift is a singer/songwriter and Robin Williams was a comedian/actor; this is where the two share common ground; with different reactions to that shared space.

Robin Williams was readily accepted as both a comedian and serious actor.  While some critics may have doubted Williams' ability, they were few and far between.  Whether age, or maturity, had anything to do with this, who knows, and it doesn't really matter.  The fact is, Williams was given the opportunity to shine, and show the various facets of, at least his public life.

Taylor Swift has grown up in the public eye.  From the age of 16, to almost 25 years old, the public has watched Swift grow and mature in her craft as well as her age.

Like any young adult, Taylor is still learning about herself and her likes and wants in this world.  The difference for her though, she's done her growing up in front of the entire world.  For some reason people seem to think, because of this, Swift should be different from others her age.  She's consistently put down for behaving like a normal young adult.  And now the change from country, to pop is being used as one more strike against her.

Country and pop have been crossing genres for decades now, so it surprises me that people are in such an uproar that Taylor is exploring that road.

Much like Robin Williams doing comedy and dramatic roles, why shouldn't Taylor Swift be able to explore different genres of music?  It's not like it hasn't been done before.  CMT Crossroads is a great example of mixing genres of music.  Justin Moore's current single, "Home Sweet Home", is a cover of Motley Crue, and even features Vince Neil from the band.

In the recent past, country has warmly received artists like Kid Rock, Uncle Kracker, and Sheryl Crowe, as well as a number of actors and actresses throwing their hats into the country ring.  If country can accept pop/rock artists into their genre, why do they not want to share their country artists with the pop/rock world? The logic that's supposedly behind this thinking escapes me.

And there it is, what has been swimming around in my mind the last couple of weeks.  The thoughts and theories that I'm trying to sort out.  So far, what I've come to conclude is this: What it boils down to is, all celebrities are just normal people like the rest of us.  They have highs and lows; they get sick and have pain like the rest of us.  They have varied interests, ideas, plans, etc., like the rest of us.  The ONLY thing that separates celebrities from the rest of us is, more people know their names. Yes, each one of them had to have some kind of talent to make it as far as they have; far enough to be considered more than just a flash in the pan.  They've survived longer than the 15 minutes of fame each of us dreams of, and they work to stay at that level.

The bottom line always returns to the same thing though; they're human.  They make mistakes, they're vulnerable, maybe even more so than the rest of us.  Why?  Because they're living their lives for the world to see.  Yes, fame was their choice; however, that doesn't mean they can be perfect 100% of the time.  Instead, it means they tend to hide more and more of what's really going on inside themselves, good and bad.

So while the suicide of a beloved comedian, or the switch in genres of a young singer catches the public off guard, it really shouldn't; after all, even celebrities need normalcy in their lives.

All of this is still a huge mish-mash in my mind; it's not easy trying to put everything going on inside one's self in print, and convey it perfectly. After all, none of us can fully know what another thinks and feels; we'll never have all the answers we want as to why people do what they do.

For myself, this post is a way to set my thoughts free from my head.  Thank you for taking the time to read it.

Phil Vassar--"Don't Miss Your Life"

(Today's word will be in ALL CAPS, BOLD, ITALIC, and STRIKETHROUGH.)


To me, Phil Vassar has always been one of the most underrated singer/songwriters in country music.

While it might be true that Vassar's music leans more towards pop, his tunes are some of the best country music in recent decades.

Likewise, though Vassar's singing capabilities may be overshadowed by other artists, this doesn't mean he doesn't have a great voice; he does. Vassar's voice is distinctive, and recognizable almost immediately on any song he's performing.

This brings us to PHIL's latest contribution to country airwaves, "Don't Miss Your Life".

"Don't Miss Your Life" tells the story of two men meeting on a flight to the West Coast. Though it's the typical story of older person bestowing knowledge on an eager, go-getter, workaholic, Vassar has managed to tell this time worn tale in a fresh, interesting and very touching way.


"Don't Miss Your Life" has been enjoying some airplay on KUPL's overnight airwaves as of late. Hopefully it will gain momentum and become another hit for Phil Vassar; he's long overdue for one.

The Lost Trailers

Wow! For someone who's a huge fan of country music, and the Lost Trailers, I sure missed the mark on this one!

What I'm talking about is the break up of the band last year; a fact I didn't know until today.

Jake asked me if I knew anything about the Lost Trailers, because he'd heard they'd broken up. I said I love the band, and follow them on Twitter, but hadn't heard about a break up.

Of course this got me curious, so I went looking on the internet during lunch. Didn't even take me 5 minutes to find out the band announced their split in June, 2010. Boy, do I feel really dumb right now!

The funny thing, even though the original Lost Trailers, (Stokes Nielson, Drew Nielson, Ryder Lee, Jeff Potter and Manny Medina), are all persuing individual interests, the Lost Trailers do still exist.

Stokes,(who originally formed the band with Ryder), has now teamed with Jason Sever and they're known as the Lost Trailers.

Though I didn't know the things I just mentioned, I did know that the Lost Trailers have a new single they're shopping to radio called, "Underdog". I just thought it was the original band, not the new duo.

"Underdog" is a song written by Stokes Nielson and tells a story many can relate to on several levels.


I know none of this is new to die-hard Lost Trailers fans; however, I feel it necessary to pass the info on anyway, in case there's anyone else out there like me, who didn't have a clue.

I'd also like to thank Jake for asking me about this; otherwise I'd still be in the dark about the whole thing!