A lot of times the hurt is unintentional; other times people know it's going to happen. Either way, it still hurts. Unfortunately, it seems the longer a relationship has been, the longer it takes for the heart to mend; sometimes it never does.
When you're not the person going through this, it's easy to sit back and give advice. Often times the advice is really just someone telling the person who's hurting what to expect, and reassuring them that how they feel is normal. That's the case with a friend of mine.
This person was hit out of the blue that their spouse wanted a divorce, not too long before Thanksgiving. Needless to say, there was hurt, frustration, confusion and anger going on inside my friend. I found out when my friend emailed me, letting me know what had happened, and telling what they were going through at the moment.
I knew exactly how this person felt, having been there myself eighteen years ago. Though I was the one who called off my marriage, I still had the same feelings my friend was describing.
Through emails I listened to my friend, going through all the emotions again, and trying to let them know they'd be okay. My friend has a child from the marriage also, which makes it even harder; though from what I've been told, the child is taking it well, for the most part.
Back to my friend. When I first heard of all the emotions this person was going through, I let them know it's normal. There are five stages of grief, and no matter what kind of grief it is, we all go through the stages. Sometimes we go backwards for a time, but eventually we all get through them. I did let my friend know this, and that everyone has their own timeline of when they get through the stages; not to stress about it. Just take one day at a time, get through that one, and see what's next.
As I said in the beginning of this post, it's easy to sit back and give advice, when you're not the one in the middle. I explained to my friend though, I really wasn't trying to give advice, as much as I was trying to reassure them that what they're going through is normal. I also know my friend would tell me to butt out if I was getting too involved with the advice. My friend knows I mean well.
Over all, my friend still has a long way to go; though whether they see it or not, I've already seen improvement in them. There have been a few steps backwards, as I said though, it's normal. Over all, no matter how much it hurts right now, I know my friend is a strong person, and will get through this in time. And I know that as long as my friend needs someone to listen, I'll be there for them.
