THE 12 MONTHS & SHOWS OF REALITY CHRISTMAS

Wednesday on "Simon in the Morning", they had a segment asking listeners what type of reality show would they be best at.  For the life of me, I couldn't think of anything for myself, except maybe "Useless Trivia 24/7". 

What I did think of though was something I wrote a few years ago.  I don't remember how I got the idea, however, since I still have it, I've decided to share it on my blog.  I know it's been awhile ago, since some of the shows aren't on the air any more. 

With that said, I now present, "The 12 Months & Shows of Reality Christmas".

(Names of shows below represent what each Christmas show is patterned after; actual names will differ.)

(Shows run concurrently, starting the day after Thanksgiving and ending on Thanksgiving Day of the next year.)

   1.      Manhunt—To find the perfect Santa Claus.

    2.      The Bachelor—The new Santa picks his perfect Mrs. Claus.

    3.      Pimp My Ride—To customize Santa’s sleigh.

     4.      Extreme Makeover—To make the new Mr. & Mrs. Claus even more

                                            believable.

     5.      The Apprentice—The new Santa chooses which teams of elves-{hundreds,

                              but only show key elves}-continue on and which gets fired.

6.   Fear Factor—Elves must prove their abilities in various ways.

7.      The Amazing Race—All elves from the winning teams must split into new

                                            teams, then race to the North Pole.  At each pit stop Santa

                                            will eliminate a team of elves.

      8.      Survivor—All elves not eliminated will have to prove their survival skills at the

                           North Pole, or be eliminated.

9.      Big Brother—All remaining elves, along with Mr. & Mrs. Claus, have to prove

                                      they can survive together when snowed in at the North Pole.  Will

                                     also have to learn how to care for reindeer, make toys, etc.  More

                                     eliminations.

    10.  What Not To Wear—All final winning elves, along with Mr. & Mrs. Claus, get

                                               a complete fashion makeover.

       11.  Monster House—Santa  & Mrs. Claus, along with the elves, get their living

                                            space made over into the ultimate Christmas themed home.

          12. The Ulitmate Reality--All winners from the previous 11 shows
                                                      appear together in the Macy's Thanksgiving
                                                       Day parade.

                                            

Bonus Show—Unlucky #13

   13.  Cops--Santa and the elves are arrested for passing out black market toys to little children. It's a federal offense crossing state and international lines.  Meanwhile, Mrs. Claus is taken in to custody for putting a little too much "joy" in her brownies.

           

                             

       



Remembering The Good Things

It’s been eighteen years since I got a divorce, and a lot has happened in that time.  To be honest, a lot happened in just the first MONTH after my ex and I split; but that’s another story.

For now, I’m concentrating on the good things that came from that relationship.  The best thing of course would be our son; no regrets for that in 25 years since he was born. 

On the other side of the coin, the good things I’m remembering here are a bit on the warped side.  Some would say that I’m being mean towards my ex; I’m not.  To me, the stories are just funny, and I share them.  There may have been a time or two where I was feeling a bit mean at that moment; over all though, it’s not meant that way.  I’ve always said I lost the husband, kept the stories. 

One of my favorite stories about my ex happened before we got married.  He lived in Grande Ronde, Oregon, at the time, and I was in Brush Prairie, Washington.  (We’ve known each other since high school.)

I went to visit my ex, (then boyfriend), one weekend and he’d decided to make “dinner” for me…You have to understand, this is a guy who couldn’t boil water to save his life; despite that, he made “dinner”…spaghetti to be exact.

Spaghetti is pretty easy to make; and hard to mess up…Unless you’re my ex…I give him credit though, he at least tried.  With that said, here’s the “recipe” my ex used to make spaghetti:

Take one package of ramen noodles, any flavor, (he used shrimp flavor).  Make the noodles, (without the flavor packet), in the microwave.  If they’re too watery when they’re done, pour the water off.

For the “spaghetti sauce”, add the ramen noodle flavor packet to ketchup, (yes, KETCHUP); then pour the mixture over the ramen noodles.  Wha-la,“spaghetti”. 

Our honeymoon had it’s funny moments also…Like going to Canada…We could only go for a day, or go, come back to the states, then back to Canada the next day…He would NOT spend the night in Canada…Didn’t feel safe sleeping in a foreign country…Didn’t matter that we’re friends with Canada…Something could happen and we’d be stuck there. 

After our split, there weren’t a lot of funny moments; mainly because we, (my son and I), didn’t hear much from my ex.

One thing I remember though is when my son and I moved into where we live now.  My ex made a rare visit to see our son.  He showed up in a beat up, broken down red Fiero; had gained about 100 pounds, and had long yellowy white hair and beard.   (The weight stayed, but the hair was different the next time we saw him.)

After he left, my son, (who inherited his sense of humor from both me and my ex), said, “oh my gosh, I have white trash Santa Claus as my dad!” 

 I could go on and on, but this blog is getting long as it is.  So, for those who are wondering why I’ve even written this particular blog, here’s why.

A little over a year ago, my ex had to have part of his leg amputated.  He ended up in a care facility to get therapy, etc.  During that time, he and our son started to bond again…They’d had a rocky relationship since we split, mainly because my ex just didn’t come around much.  After my ex’s amputation though, my son would visit his dad, and hang out.  After a little over a month, things were really on the right path.  There were still things my son didn’t like about his dad, but overall, they were back to being a dad and son again. 

Then, on May 6, 2010, it all ended.  My ex was taken to the emergency room at SW Medical Center with chest pains.  He ended up having a heart attack, and died. 

It’s been a rough time off and on for my son, but overall he’s coped with the loss very well.  And like his dad, and me, a lot of the coping has been in the form of humor.  Just little things here and there that make us laugh, or remember my ex for some reason or other. 

That’s why I’m writing this blog for today.  It’s been a year since my ex died.  While we weren’t on the best terms even a year ago, I still feel his life was cut short too soon.  52 just isn’t that old.  I asked my son how he’d feel about me writing this, and he was fine with it.  He thought his dad would be flattered, even if not all that was written showed his best side. 

I guess this blog entry is my way of remembering the good times, and a way of saying to my ex, “we may not have gotten along that well in the end, but I won’t forget the good times we had”.