'Twas the Year Twenty-Sixteen

Before you continue reading, I feel I should give fair warning that this is not a "happy" post.  While based on "A Visit from St. Nicholas", (aka " 'Twas the Night Before Christmas"),  by Clement Clarke Moore, this post is filled with darker undertones, and is a bit abstract at times.

Also, I try to give equal time to all, though sometimes it's not possible.  So while I've named a few names in the lines of this verse, please note that I wanted to include more; it just didn't work to my advantage in some cases.

With all that said, the following is my skewed look back at the year 2016.

'TWAS THE YEAR TWENTY-SIXTEEN

Of the year twenty-sixteen there's plenty to grouse,

Including a new president for the White House.

Supporters were happy; the rest in despair,

Of the man with orange skin and really bad hair.

Trump wasn't the only thing there was to dread;

So much violence, people ending up dead.

Shootings, bombings and all kinds of scary crap;

All this, and more, the nightly news had on tap.

Protesters protesting for things they felt mattered.

Marching through the streets, creating quite a clatter.

Though most wanted peace, some with police clashed.

So much tension, no wonder their tempers flashed.

Yet that still wasn't the end, wouldn't you know;

Intolerance and hatred among us did grow.

Always underlying, it rose up this year,

Rearing its ugly head, and making itself clear.

Choose any minority, go on, take your pick;

All came under attack, making others feel sick.

The bigotry of some, made others feel shame.

Yet those causing the problem would not take the blame.

All the emotions, the good and bad were mixin'.

The only sure thing was problems needed fixin'.

Our country had stumbled, had taken a great fall.

The year seemed destined to destroy one and all.

If that wasn't enough to make one cry,

So many icons in twenty-sixteen did die.

Bowie, Michael, Fisher and Prince were a few.

Beloved Willy Wonka, Gene Wilder, left us too.

Talk of Abe Vigoda's death was always a goof;

But twenty-sixteen dealt us all the stark truth.

Best known as "Fish", Abe is no longer around.

Only in reruns of "Barney Miller" he's found.

Glenn Frey with The Eagles was always very good.

Florence Henderson and Doris Roberts both would,

Leave this world for heaven, and never come back.

No longer moms for Raymond, or the Brady Bunch pack.

Seems for the most part twenty-sixteen's been quite hairy.

Maybe what this world needs is a good dose of fairy

Magic to put a halt to this mad, mad show.

What?  You don't believe? Come on, just give it a go.

Maybe, just maybe, if there's enough belief,

We can come together, and start healing the grief,

That's deeper than the underside of a snake's belly.

From corporations to the neighborhood deli,

Let's rally together; take our pride off the shelf.

Plant seeds of happiness and start spreading the wealth.

Twenty-seventeen is a rough road to tread;

Let's lead with kindness, and hope for less bloodshed.

It won't be easy; it's a lot of hard work.

But for all who try, the world has one less jerk.

So now that you're done reading my bit of prose,

Think good thoughts, but stay alert, on your toes.

'Cause next year may come with a nuclear missile,

Eradicating us all, clean as a whistle.

If this little ditty has given you a fright,

There IS hope for next year, when this one's out of sight.

.

A Better Vote for 2016

I've always been a firm believer that, if you don't exercise your right to vote in an election, then you've waived your rights to complain about who others have elected.  This year though, I've honestly considered waiving all my rights to complain, and not vote for anyone as president.  My reasoning is, no matter who's elected, I'll still have the right to say, "not my fault".

One day however, I realized I know exactly who I'll be voting for in 2016.  Continue on, and discover why I believe these two fine creatures will make the perfect president and vice president for our ailing country.

The most obvious thing you'll notice about my candidates, (and what is the foundation of their campaign), they both have great hair and personalities.  Never mind what the photo at the bottom of this post shows, the candidates can be very personable, and downright friendly, if approached properly.

Though, like Donald Trump, my presidential candidate is quite orange, their hair is much, much nicer, and real looking, than Trump's.

For those hoping to see a woman president in 2016, my candidate fits the bill perfectly, and as a bonus, has a nicer demeanor than Hillary Clinton.

Beyond looks and personalities, my candidates are capable of tackling the real issues of the day. For instance, though they are complete opposites, my hopefuls prove daily that it's possible for anyone to get along, if they at least try.

They're able to relay great messages to future voters.  They live what they believe, demonstrating this by getting plenty of sleep and exercise, and practicing good eating, dental and hygiene habits. 

Many have said that my candidates are excellent at putting others at ease, allowing those around them to relax and melt away their stress.  To me, this is a great quality every president and vice president should have.

Once in the White House, there are several ways my candidates can save taxpayers money.  My presidential hopeful has extensive experience with pest control, and therefore would not need to call in outside exterminators, should the need arise.

There wouldn't be a need to maintain a blaring alarm system in the White House, with my vice presidential hopeful in residence.  The candidate is nearly overqualified at being able to throw their voice loudly for great distances.  For those who don't think this is enough protection, rest assured, both candidates are professional protectors and guardians to all those around them; and though they are polite and friendly, you wouldn't want to do something you shouldn't; it wouldn't end well for you.

Above all, my candidates will save even more taxpayer dollars by not taking any paychecks during their tenure at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  Yes, that's correct, they will ask for no money while in office.  Instead, they would only require food and water on a regular basis, plenty of treats, and an occasional toy or two on special occasions and holidays.

Yes, after much consideration, the political candidates I've described above are the ones I'll be voting for this November. You may have figured out by now where this post is going.  If not, I now present my candidates for president and vice president in 2016:  Rusty Predmore and Buttons Falan. 

IMPORTANT PRESS RELEASE!!!

In light of recent events, I feel the importance to come clean with my readers about something.  Please read my (un)official press release below.  It will (not) be released to the media (any time) soon.

Please note, the above press release is meant totally tongue in cheek. (Which is much less dangerous and painful than a tooth in your chest.)

Thank you.